Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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