i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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