It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Randomize
