What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
