he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
