I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
