Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Randomize
