drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
