I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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