Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
