Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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