I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I think a kid would responsible me up
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
You ruined the universe
Randomize
