nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Randomize
