i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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