ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Randomize
