Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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