Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
