I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
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