I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
