were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
