You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
When are your genitals available?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Randomize
