i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
