I think I died a long time ago.
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
17 Women That Lost Condoms Up Their Lady Parts
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
23 People Confess The Most F*cked Up Thing Guests Have Done In Their House
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.