Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
But theres a keg here and me gusta
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
