she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?