There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
A Guy Sent A Woman What May Be The Craziest Breakup Text Ever
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
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who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.