i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
