watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
he just fucked me for my cheese.
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