Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
