I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
