i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize