Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
