You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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