Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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