she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
your like the ambassador to my penis.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
