we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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