so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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