Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
