I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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