Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
