just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
