"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Who wears a wallet chain?!
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
