there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Randomize
