living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
