You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
