there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
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