ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
