I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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