There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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