We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
it was like having sex with a tree stump
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
