Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
