First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
