ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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