hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Your cock deserves a montage
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
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