you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
