Someone shit on the floor
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
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