WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
