At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
