It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
