i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
