you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
