You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
