1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
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