Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
