Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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