I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
