Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Randomize
