I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
