I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
