Swine flu is the new snow day.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
