she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
