I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
