I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Everyone says I win the strip club
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
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