i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
