If i come over, it means nothing
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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