you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Randomize
