So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Randomize
