Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
