Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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