Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
