dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
