Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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