Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
