I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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