i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Randomize
