I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
