Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
