Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize
