now i know why i became what i already was.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Randomize
