do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize
